


Recipe #8

by Piru (pyrefly)



Category: Suikoden III
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Community: suikosanta, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-10
Updated: 2006-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrefly/pseuds/Piru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah recruits Albert and Yuber for a very [problematic] special mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recipe #8

**Author's Note:**

  * For [futomimii](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=futomimii).



> The request was "Ice cream. Concerning the Destroyers."
> 
> Failing the ability to actually replay the necessary portions of the game, I tried to combine what I still remembered of the characters with a little bit of inspiration from interpretations by other authors and RPers, by skimming over a lot of other fanfics and RPs. I think the characters turned out decent (it's hard to write anyone totally canon when you're writing something cracky like this), although the ways they interact are probably a little off (another reason why I wanted to replay the game, but alas). Thusly resulted the following fic, and I hope and pray that you find the end result acceptable. I do have to thank you profusely for a request featuring the lovely Albert, because re-immersing myself in S3 caused me to fall in love with his character all over again.
> 
> Note also that the fic has no specific setting within the S3 storyline; I already had enough trouble writing this, so trying to give consideration to setting would've been more than I could manage. I leave that part up to your imagination.
> 
> Many, many thanks to KArthur for being such a lovely and immensely helpful beta.

**Somewhere in Harmonia, I.S. 475  
8:12 PM**

“Are you all right, Master Luc?” The soft, sing-song tone of Sarah’s voice was only slightly hesitant as she interrogated him as usual.

A simple “Yes,” was his initial response, but she could always tell when he was in more pain than usual when his answers ceased to be as firm and deliberate as they ordinarily were. “…No. …YES…”

Such responses only ever encouraged her to continue to press him. “Is there anything I can do, Master Luc?”

“No.” Again, he was wavering, obviously besieged by some inner torment. “…No. …”

Relentless as she was, she thought rephrasing the question might help. “Is there anything you need, Master Luc?”

Silence. He had ceased pacing and was now perched in his chair, his head turned away from her and his face covered with his gloved hands, shaking ever so slightly as though he could destroy the True Rune only by willing it—or so it seemed to her.

“What is it, Master Luc?” Her voice was gentle and quiet, like a single feather coming to rest on an inert pool of water, trying to do so without causing ripples in the still substance.

It was because of such careful actions during such tense moments that she wielded the most influence over him. At these times, she felt a surge of triumph as he shifted to speak and she realized that he was ready to confide in her his latent troubles.

“Sarah, pray do not laugh at my expense, but to be frank, I am… really craving… ice cream…” The agony that contorted his face would have been humorous had not the disclosure been so utterly surprising.

Sarah felt faint, having anticipated a decision to step up the pace on the Destroyer’s plans or something to that effect, but not this. “…Ice cream? ...” She had heard rumors of an almost mythical concoction by that name but knew little else, and she was a little unsure of how to respond. “So… I suppose you _have_ grown tired of Le Buque’s lunch boxes. Understandable, really, as we have had them for quite a number of days now. Shall we pay a swift visit to Caleria and enjoy some of their famous fried rice?”

Luc collapsed back into his seat. “No, no, no.”

“I could travel to Duck Village for some tomato soup for you.” If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. And who could say no to tomato soup?

His hands rose up to cover his face again. “No.”

“Shall I go to Iksay and acquire some grilled fish?” In all her dealings with him, she had become an expert at covering up any hints of uncertainty in her voice with a cheerful optimism that Albert never failed to call revolting. This was an excellent opportunity to put this acquired skill to use.

“No, Sarah.” There was genuine exasperation in his voice.

“Chisha’s noodle soup?”

“No.”

He was usually so prolific, so she felt that his monosyllabism was beginning to be cause for worry.

“Great Hollow’s special stew?” She could _swear_ he’d had a fondness for it at some point.

“No, I despise that vulgar concoction.”

Or not.

There was a limit to how long even Sarah could continue sounding hopeful. “Vinay del Zexey’s gratin, then?”

“NO!” His sudden forcefulness took her aback.

“Oh, I see. I suppose you are insisting on something sweet. Alma Kinan’s cake, then?” She wondered if he, too, noticed that she was beginning to sound squeaky.

“No, Sarah, no.”

His exasperation was almost tangible, and she had run out of ideas.

She sighed, acquiescing that she was at a loss at what to make of the situation and his conduct. “…What then, Master Luc?”

“Ice cream. ICE CREAM! I long for that or nothing else.”

Anyone but Sarah would probably have likened it to a child throwing a temper tantrum and would have dismissed the request as the fleeting desire of an immature, self-indulgent profligate. Yet Sarah wouldn’t have been Sarah if she did not make a sincere effort to placate him, callous as he could sometimes be to her in return.

“B-but, Master Luc…”

“Ice cream, Sarah. Please.”

He actually said “please”. She knew immediately that she was yet again being wheedled into pursuing one of Luc’s fancies, but she simply could not help herself. Not when he said “please”.

She sighed, resigned to her fate. “…where would we find such a thing?”

He had turned his back to her again, indicating that he didn’t know or care and was leaving the entire matter in her hands.

‘Lovely,’ was the only coherent thought Sarah could muster as she began to pace about, wringing her hands and wondering what she was going to do about this novel predicament.

===

**Somewhere in Harmonia, I.S. 475  
8:26 PM**

“Albert, I humbly request your assistance in a… certain matter.”

It was true that Luc could be difficult enough to deal with at times, but she sometimes wondered which of the Destroyers truly was the most unapproachable.

Sipping at his wine and stoic as ever, Albert refused to divert his attention from his book.

Since he was making a show of not making an effort to provoke her to continue, she took a sharp breath and decided to plunge ahead. “Well, uhmm, since you seem quite… _adept_ at cooking, would you happen to know how to prepare something called ‘ice cream’?”

Albert _loathed_ when she had to put it _that_ way, for he was sure that he had been put up to whatever it was she was attempting by Luc, and he could not bear the idea of Luc secretly laughing at him and his love for the kitchen at his expense. But either way, he had never heard of this… _thing_ she was referring to. “No, I would not.”

_Blast._ “Oh. Oh, my...” Sarah couldn’t keep her face from falling. She had been so hopeful only moments before.

Sensing the change in her demeanor, Albert could not help looking up and amusing himself. “Are you at the mercy of one of Luc’s silly whims again, Sarah?”

“N-no! Master Luc is in pain, and I am merely trying to console him,” she protested equivocally, while still trying to appear indignant.

The sardonic manner in which the corners of his mouth curled up was vaguely insulting. “So you’re at the mercy of one of Luc’s silly whims again.”

“…Yes.”

Seemingly unfazed by his victory, Albert shrugged and resumed his reading. “Well, I apologize, but I do not know how to aid you in this particular matter.”

Sarah was at a loss yet again, pacing about and searching her vaguest recollections for anything else she may have subconsciously picked up about the mysterious ‘ice cream’ yet finding nothing. “Do you know anyone who can?”

Albert, who had thought, nay, hoped that she would simply give up and leave him be and was therefore astounded that she was still present, responded slightly crossly, “No, I do not! Really, Sarah, your insistence on always pleasing ‘Master Luc’ is degrading. For all we know, those jesters at Castle Budehuc are the only ones to unearth the secret to procuring this ‘ice cream’, and then what could we—”

“—That’s it! Albert, you’re brilliant.” Sarah’s face was instantly transformed, as joyous sparkles suffused her eyes and a radiant smile spread its warmth across her features.

“Well, yes, I—” Albert responded, a little dazed, unsure of what had so suddenly overcome the girl. “Wait. What?”

Sarah grinned merrily. “Albert, go wake Yuber, please.”

It was only then that Albert caught the implication of her statement, and it resulted in even his usually-stoic countenance being shaken up a little. “… _No_. Sarah, you do _not_ intend to—”

“And be swift about it, will you?” she called over her shoulder as she all but cavorted through the door and out of the strategist’s dimly-lit study.

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
8:49 PM**

“What are we here for again?”

Albert was obviously uncomfortable. Perhaps it was his sudden proximity to his brother, or perhaps it was the fact that he was being forced to do something social. Either way, the normally impeccably self-contained strategist was ill at ease, even fidgety, as they took in their first whiffs of Castle Budehuc after Sarah had succeeded in teleporting them all there.

“Hush! Do not argue and just come along.” Sarah seemed to be enjoying holding the reins for a change as she steered them through the many winding hallways in a direction that she fervently hoped would lead to the kitchen.

Yuber was being startlingly tacit, though it soon became apparent that his mind was elsewhere. His gaze kept drifting toward the ceiling as if penetrating the thick stone to the slumbering mortal bodies that lay above. In all probability, the Demon was busily envisioning a macabre fantasy that involved a great deal of blood and heaps of gutted corpses.

Sarah and Albert knew better than to interrupt his reveries, so they silently kept on walking.

After ascending yet another set of stone steps and making their way through the gaudy entrance hall, they emerged in an unlit mess hall. Taking note of their new surroundings, Sarah quickly spotted a door behind a counter and led the party through it.

“All right, this appears to be the kitchen. Albert, help me look. Yuber, please stand guard.”

As he moved to the doorway, Yuber mumbled a few monosyllabic grunts that neither of the other two caught and then clarified, “I am only following your orders because I take that to mean that I can kill any human I see.”

“Uhmm. Sure…” Sarah knew that in this sort of situation it was prudent to not respond at all, so she instead focused her attention on the other man. “Albert, have you found anything?”

It took the strategist a few seconds to respond, at which point he answered, “There appears to be a stack of recipes… ‘Sauteed Clam’… ‘Skewered Chicken’…”

“Skewer!” Yuber grunted, overly enthused by that word.

Albert and Sarah sent quick glances over their respective shoulders in his direction, but when the Demon unperturbedly continued to polish the edge of his blade, they returned their focus to the matter at hand.

“All right! Let me take a gander at the rest,” Sarah called out eagerly as she moved in and took over once again. “Let’s see… ‘Ramen’… ‘Tofu Hot Pot’… ‘Ice Cream’! I have found it!” Her expression was incredulous and joyous in such a way that it would have been an endearing sight for observers to behold had her two companions been anything other than they were. “They actually have it! Who would have thought?”

Ever-arrogant Albert was not about to let her take all the credit. “Apparently, I did.”

Unruffled, a jubilant Sarah silenced him and continued, “Hush. Now, Master Chef—“

Albert did _not_ like where this was going. Her use of such a title could not bode well for him. “No.”

“—I leave the rest to you.”

“I said no. This is your project, your silly idea. We helped you find the recipe. Now you can do the rest,” Albert argued as he gestured toward the stove. He had had quite enough of their little escapade.

“Oh, come now, Albert, you have barely contributed to this _group effort_.”

Her noticeable delight almost sickened the stern man.

Again, he tried arguing. “Yuber is only standing looking pret— …fearsome and sharpening his blades. Have him do it.”

From across the room, Yuber briefly focused the lighter of his eyes on Albert, gave him an icy, menacing glare and then returned his focus to his blade.

“Fine, _I’ll_ do it. Only because I think you are too much of a coward to bear being outdone by me at _cooking_.” Sarah never stopped smiling as her lips carefully enunciated the words for added emphasis.

“Give me that,” Albert spat as he wrenched the recipe from her hands.

Sarah’s smile widened as she realized she had won yet again. But then, it was never too difficult to manipulate Albert’s pride.

An indignant Albert did not take long to decide to exact his own flavor of vengeance by appointing the girl to be his assistant. “Do not falter. Help me find these ingredients!”

“All right. What do you require?” Sarah asked as she began rummaging through various cabinets, taking stock of what they contained.

Albert peered closely at the tiny words on the scroll. “…This script is unusual and slightly difficult to read. I can discern ‘eggs’, ‘milk’, ‘crushed ice’, ‘vanilla extract’, and… ‘salt’, I believe it says.”

Sarah turned back around with a quizzical look. “Salt? Are you sure that’s right?”

“Do not doubt me! Just gather the ingredients.” There was a consequence to invoking Albert’s pride.

Since he was doing her a favor, after all, Sarah decided against arguing with him. ‘I have no choice but to trust him. I just hope he knows what he’s doing,’ she added mentally.

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
9:31 PM**

“Albert… What is this? Are you sure you followed the recipe?”

The ceramic bowl was filled to the brim with a substance whose texture certainly resembled the descriptions of ‘ice cream’ that Sarah had heard… but it had an almost distasteful-looking bright crimson hue that had attracted even Yuber’s attention.

“Taste it before you criticize.” Albert was still too caught up in his pride to endure the others’ comments.

Seeing no use in delaying the inevitable, Sarah dipped a wooden spoon into the bowl and licked it, upon which she contorted her face in horror. “Albert, it tastes like… tomatoes…”

Yuber grinned perversely and remarked with genuine enthusiasm, “I like it, Silverberg. It could pass for coagulated blood.”

Albert turned around to wash his hands in one of the basins, careful not to let either of them see his face.

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
9:38 PM**

“Red pepper.”

After taking a few sips of water to cleanse her mouth of the lingering tomato flavor, Sarah turned back to Albert. “What?”

“I said ‘red pepper’. Find me red pepper.” Albert looked up from the recipe he had resumed studying for the past several minutes. “Instead of salt this time.”

“You’re sure this time?” Sarah was no sensation in the kitchen, but red pepper…

The stern look in Albert’s eyes as he glared at her was enough to silence any impending remonstrance.

“All right...”

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
10:17 PM**

Sarah coughed as she observed the latest attempt. Albert appeared pale.

_Smoke_ that had nothing to do with a cooking fire was rising from the substance. Though apparently frozen, it more closely resembled magma produced by an inferno. In addition, the entire concoction reeked more strongly than a spicy Calerian curry dish.

Yuber was actually reduced to _giggling_. “Really, Silverberg…”

“Shut up,” Albert snapped.

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
10:20 PM**

“So have you deciphered what the last, magical ingredient is?” Sarah couldn’t keep the scorn from dripping from her voice.

Three feet away, Albert was once again poring over the scroll with the recipe. “Now that I’m examining it again… I _think_ it says ‘sugar’.”

Sarah shook her head and threw her hands in the air. “Well, would that not have made more sense from the start?”

“Not necessarily! Salt is needed to bring the water below its freezing point, and how was I to know that Luc does not appreciate spicy ice cream?” Albert countered, vainly trying to preserve his damaged ego.

Sarah chose to refrain from commenting, instead opening up a cupboard to hunt for sugar.

===

**Budehuc Castle, I.S. 475  
11:03 PM**

Absolute silence emanated from the kitchen as the three immobile Destroyers stared at the bowl that was sitting in the very center of the wooden table, unable to say a word and barely daring to take a breath for fear that the product might suddenly vanish.

“It looks like snow.” It was vaguely creepy, the way the Demon’s two mismatched eyes peered at the bowl so fixedly over the tabletop. “I hope for your sake that it does not taste as such, Silverberg.”

For once in his life, the strategist mastermind was at a complete loss for words. “I… I am… afraid to touch it.”

“I’m not. Time to try it.” Sarah mustered her courage as she dipped in her spoon and brought it to her mouth, closing her eyes so as to focus her full concentration on the flavor. “Albert, it’s perfect!”

“Really? You are sure that Master Luc will eat this and not accuse me of attempting to poison him?” Albert was too overjoyed to really succeed at sounding sarcastic.

Carefully gathering up the bowl in her two hands as she was certainly unwilling to trust anyone else with it at this point, Sarah answered, “Quiet, you. We’ve tarried here long enough. Let us return.”

Taking one last look at the pile of failures in the corner, Yuber grinned and suggested, “I still say we bring dear Master Luc that concoction that resembles blood and innards.”

Sarah and Albert twirled around to face the Demon, completely in synch. “Shut up,” they called in perfect unison.

===

**Somewhere in Harmonia, I.S. 475  
11:26 PM**

When Sarah finally returned to him, Luc was _not_ pleased. “Sarah, pray tell, where have you been? I’m hopelessly bored.”

“Master Luc! How are you?”

If Luc had been observant, he would’ve noticed that she appeared to be a little bit nervous. Her hands shook a little as she tried to conceal something behind her back, and she had to force herself to breathe steadily.

Luc, however, was not at all being observant. “I just told you, I’m bored.”

“Master Luc,” Sarah said quietly.

But Luc, not hearing, plowed on ahead. “Now, about you—”

“Master Luc!” she interrupted.

“—what, Sarah?”

“I have something for you.” With a rather sheepish grin, she brought forth the bowl she had been holding behind her back. “Actually, Albert and Yuber aided in obtaining it as well.”

Luc didn’t even realize what it was she was holding until she’d walked right up to him and deposited the bowl in his hands. His eyes grew wide in amazement as it finally registered that she had somehow managed to obtain ice cream for him, and he dipped in a finger and licked it before attacking the rest of it with a spoon in a more civilized manner.

He paused only briefly to say, “Thank you, Sarah,” and then resumed his hasty consumption of the treat. But at least he was smiling.

Sarah’s heart beat a little faster as her triumph fully dawned on her. “…Really? You like it, then, Master Luc?”

“For future reference, I prefer ice cream tempura. But for now, this will do.” As he continued to spoon scoopfuls of ice cream into his mouth, for the first time in decades, Luc’s smiling countenance resembled that of the innocent child he had once been. “This will do.”

Silently, Sarah decided to keep _that_ one secret for a while. Otherwise, dear Albert was going to have a heart attack.

===


End file.
